Another year has brought us to the Halloween season. It is universally recognized as the time when the veil between the worlds of the living and the departed is the thinnest. I have previously written about how to communicate with our loved ones who have passed, but lately I have had a strong sense that it is time for me to begin relaying some of the messages I hear repeatedly from the other side, the things that they want us to know and the solace they wish to share.
I am so fortunate to be able to connect living people with those in the spirit world. It is an honor to be given a glimpse of, and to share in, each special client’s love and sorrow while working on helping to reconcile their loss. One question I am always asked by those who are left behind is, “do they know how much I love and miss them?” Between the tears, we seek the validation that they, the departed, still know our love wherever they may be. I receive information again and again that they are indeed aware. True love is eternal and transcends death. Whether between parent and child, husband and wife, or animal and human; love continues throughout time and space in perpetuity. Please rest your weary heart and trust that how you feel is known by those beyond.
I also know how much it hurts all our hearts when we haven’t had the chance to say goodbye. When loved ones pass away unexpectedly there is an emptiness that no one understands until they have experienced it. While there is no way to truly make parting easier; those who haven’t been able to have any closure suffer a bit more. There are so many unanswered questions, including: “are they alone?” “are they OK?” and “how did they feel?” We may have had a silly quarrel or had some left over business we never finished. All these factors add up to a mountain of tortuous questions that I can assure you mean nothing to those who have crossed. With the loss of the flesh comes the loss of the daily preoccupations that worry us. They do not love you less because you told them something that now causes you guilt. Let go of both the guilt and the thought that they may not know how much you love and miss them. Spirits aren’t here to judge us but to love us.
The main complaint I get from those on the other side is that we do not celebrate their lives by being good to ourselves. While they understand our grief, they want the same thing for us in death that they wanted for us in life, our happiness. I know that there is a natural state of grief that occurs; this can even become compounded by multiple loss and stressors. Depending on the depth and duration of the relationship, it may take years to fully recover from some losses. All they ask from us on the other side is to balance the grief with an equal amount of joy for the miraculous time that we shared together here on earth. Cry until you can not cry anymore, hurt until you feel you’ll die, but also please smile when you think of the love. Remember their scent, their unique smile, and the warmth of an embrace and realize that they are here to provide this to you still.
There is no perfect time to say goodbye. We shall each have many of our own unanswered questions to come to terms with as we journey forth with our lives and beyond. Writing to the departed all of the things that you want them to know is a wonderful way to help relieve yourself of burden and to let them know how you feel. Speak it out loud if that makes it better. Each word said with intent is heard and appreciated. Please know that you are not alone and have never truly been left. Spirit is eternal and its effects are magnificent. When we revel in life, while we can, we pay the greatest homage to those who’ve gone before.